The Twilight Report

I was watching the Daily Show and the Colbert Report about Time’s lamest person of the year award ever: “you”, and today I walked past the newsagent and saw the cover which confirmed it really was as lame as I suspected. It also reminded me of an episode dating back to the New Mexico Super Computer Challenge...

When I was in high school, there was this thing were computer nerds got together from all over the state and competed to write scientific applications on the super computer hardware available at the national labs in New Mexico. It was sort of an academic decathlon for computer nerds, so it was the über in überdorky.

So there I was having lunch with my computer geek friends at the “challenge” and I says to Ellen (more or less out of nowhere), “did you hear what Jeff said about you?”

Nick thought this was hilarious, for reasons that I couldn’t fathom, but instead of admitting that I just nodded and agreed like I knew what was so funny. I mean, I had meant it as a joke, but it wasn’t that funny.

Then Ellen threw a piece of pie at Jeff, not because she was particularly mad at Jeff (who had not, in fact, said anything about her), but because someone had dared her to. That’s what wonderful upstanding young citizens we were in those days.

Later, I figured out that Nick thought that I was making a pun based on this Chinese girl that we knew whose name is a homonym for “you”. Still not very funny, but the joke became legendary for some reason, and I never admitted to anyone that I hadn’t intended it that way and anyway I didn’t even think it was that funny.

“You” was one of those classic over achievers. She was taking all AP classes, but did that make her smart? I saw what she did for her AP Computers final and it showed a complete misunderstanding of the technology that she was supposed to be learning. I also saw what the computer teacher wrote about her in his recommendation for her (pesky Unix permission bits). I don’t think she deserved the praise she got from him. I could see her being smart in English or Math or Science, because I didn’t see her perform in that capacity, but on the other hand, I could just as easily see her being good at taking tests. That would actually describe most of the people that I knew in high school.

My point is, I am much happier thinking that Time chose “You” (the person I knew in high school) rather than the second person plural as there Person of the Year.