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ljpliceaseA Year ago:
This is a difficult subject to write about. There is so much weird history between us. I can't think seriously about our friendship because it makes me angry. So I hadn't thought about it much in a while. I stopped writing him when one day he told me to keep in touch by sending him e-mails even though he seldom replied.
I don't remember the day that I met Guthrie; it is in fact hard to think of a time when we were not friends of a sort. It must have been some time in first grade, I expect he also had Mrs. Wilson. She was a big busted teacher who offered her cleavage up as a target for the peanut assault each year in the melodrama. I was friends with Guthrie and Nathan in elementary school. I had more in common with Nathan I guess, though Guthrie was cooler. Nathan, in fact, is the prototypical nerd. At some point Nathan offended me for reasons that I won't go into on account of the fact that it would make me sound rather petty.
Guthrie helped me work on my two biggest adventure games, The Last Sunset and Homeland. He also helped with early filming for Death, which never actually got made. We built a model of Atlantis which was to be featured in Death. Guthrie's little brother Syd helped out too. I spent a lot of time at Guthrie's house in the Jemez Mountains. It was a sort of second home to me.
At the end of our senior year in high school he started dating this girl Ellen that I liked. They decided to keep it a secret from me. I can't say that the events that followed were really their fault, and I can fairly say that a lot of things were my fault. I resented the fact that they tried to keep it a secret from me and I was also quite jealous. The ways that I decided express my dissatisfaction were at times totally inappropriate. It's easy to say that all he needed to do to remain my friend was not to date Ellen, but it is hard to say what would have been or what could have become.
We were going to be roommates in college (this was before I found out about Ellen), but he was dallying about which school to go to and by the time he decided to go to the U of Arizona it was too late to get the same dorm, much less the same room. For two very good reasons I think it was a good thing that we didn't wind up with the same room. Firstly, given the falling out that followed, having to share a room would have made a very bad year very much worse. Secondly, and more importantly, he wound up as Tyler's roommate.
That is how I met Tyler, one of my closest friends. It's funny the ways that you meet people and the import you estimate they are going to have in your life when you meet them. Like Nathan, I think I have more in common with Tyler. He understands the humor in things like transforming into a train and driving around, and wrote an Uncle Fatty adaptation of the Nine Inch Nails song "The Perfect Drug" called "The Perfect Pig". There will always be a tirrus account for Tyler on one of my computers.
Guthrie and I did a few friend type things as freshmen. The coolest was probably going to see the Bowie/Nine Inch Nails concert in Phoenix. I went to see Trent Reznor, he was going to see David Bowie. I don't know how we expected to make it to Phoenix without a car, but we did manage it in the end. Guthrie, Tyler and I went to what we later found out was a notoriously gay night club and played Hadaway's "What is Love?" while reenacting the SNL skit which features the song in the car as we drove around Tucson for entertainment during finals to relieve stress.
During the falling out, I wrote a lot of violent stories and numerous diatribes. I invented my bitter alter ego Richard Ess. I alienated a lot of people and I decided that I didn't want to be friends with Guthrie anymore. I wrote him a letter stating how I felt; he never responded to it. For the next year and a half I was dating Ronin, so I was able to distract myself. Some of those distractions were good, some of them not so good. One of the good ones was the noise she made when she smiled. One of the not so good distractions was when she decided to start dating someone else without actually telling me.
After the breakup, one of the things that I did was check up on Guthrie. I had long ago decided to forgive Nathan; perhaps it was time to forgive Guthrie as well. It was of course never the same between us. The last time I saw him I was on my way back from Australia, and I was visiting Melly in Houston. I showed him my demo, and he took me to the airport. We swapped e-mails for a while, but I eventually came to realize that he had never been one to communicate well over long distances, or at all for that matter. The only reason we were friends at all was because we happened to go to the same schools from first grade till college graduation.
Guthrie was never the friend that I had wanted him to be. The fact that it took me so long to realize that he never would be (and shouldn't have to be) is a limitation on my part, not his. The fact that I realize it now and decided to give up the bitterness indicates a small amount of growth on my part. I am certain that the realization was a factor in the process which allowed me to turn my life around; the process which has given me, for the first time ever, a goal. I had almost forgotten about Guthrie all together.
Today I heard that he is getting married to his long term girlfriend Amy. Could it be that I am a wee bit jealous still? Maybe. I won't let it consume me, but I do feel a bit angry, not because he's done anything to me, but because that is the way that thinking about Guthrie makes me feel. It will pass. On the back of my new iPod my new philosophy is stated: "I never look back; it distracts from the now." I'm still working on the implementation, but I am making progress.
Yes in fact I do still exist, at least to some extent. I just happen to be really bad at replying to emails. If I dont get to it before it is scrolled off the pine inbox screen, there's little hope I will remember. Sorry about that. ... Anyway, keep in touch (since I suck at it)
 |
| from left to right: Syd, Guthrie and Graham |
|---|
This is a difficult subject to write about. There is so much weird history between us. I can't think seriously about our friendship because it makes me angry. So I hadn't thought about it much in a while. I stopped writing him when one day he told me to keep in touch by sending him e-mails even though he seldom replied.
 |
| birthday at putt-putt |
|---|
I don't remember the day that I met Guthrie; it is in fact hard to think of a time when we were not friends of a sort. It must have been some time in first grade, I expect he also had Mrs. Wilson. She was a big busted teacher who offered her cleavage up as a target for the peanut assault each year in the melodrama. I was friends with Guthrie and Nathan in elementary school. I had more in common with Nathan I guess, though Guthrie was cooler. Nathan, in fact, is the prototypical nerd. At some point Nathan offended me for reasons that I won't go into on account of the fact that it would make me sound rather petty.
 |
| Syd posing for Death |
|---|
Guthrie helped me work on my two biggest adventure games, The Last Sunset and Homeland. He also helped with early filming for Death, which never actually got made. We built a model of Atlantis which was to be featured in Death. Guthrie's little brother Syd helped out too. I spent a lot of time at Guthrie's house in the Jemez Mountains. It was a sort of second home to me.
 |
| from left to right: Dave, Graham and Guthrie |
|---|
At the end of our senior year in high school he started dating this girl Ellen that I liked. They decided to keep it a secret from me. I can't say that the events that followed were really their fault, and I can fairly say that a lot of things were my fault. I resented the fact that they tried to keep it a secret from me and I was also quite jealous. The ways that I decided express my dissatisfaction were at times totally inappropriate. It's easy to say that all he needed to do to remain my friend was not to date Ellen, but it is hard to say what would have been or what could have become.
We were going to be roommates in college (this was before I found out about Ellen), but he was dallying about which school to go to and by the time he decided to go to the U of Arizona it was too late to get the same dorm, much less the same room. For two very good reasons I think it was a good thing that we didn't wind up with the same room. Firstly, given the falling out that followed, having to share a room would have made a very bad year very much worse. Secondly, and more importantly, he wound up as Tyler's roommate.
That is how I met Tyler, one of my closest friends. It's funny the ways that you meet people and the import you estimate they are going to have in your life when you meet them. Like Nathan, I think I have more in common with Tyler. He understands the humor in things like transforming into a train and driving around, and wrote an Uncle Fatty adaptation of the Nine Inch Nails song "The Perfect Drug" called "The Perfect Pig". There will always be a tirrus account for Tyler on one of my computers.
Guthrie and I did a few friend type things as freshmen. The coolest was probably going to see the Bowie/Nine Inch Nails concert in Phoenix. I went to see Trent Reznor, he was going to see David Bowie. I don't know how we expected to make it to Phoenix without a car, but we did manage it in the end. Guthrie, Tyler and I went to what we later found out was a notoriously gay night club and played Hadaway's "What is Love?" while reenacting the SNL skit which features the song in the car as we drove around Tucson for entertainment during finals to relieve stress.
During the falling out, I wrote a lot of violent stories and numerous diatribes. I invented my bitter alter ego Richard Ess. I alienated a lot of people and I decided that I didn't want to be friends with Guthrie anymore. I wrote him a letter stating how I felt; he never responded to it. For the next year and a half I was dating Ronin, so I was able to distract myself. Some of those distractions were good, some of them not so good. One of the good ones was the noise she made when she smiled. One of the not so good distractions was when she decided to start dating someone else without actually telling me.
 |
| Guthrie on one of our last ski trips |
|---|
After the breakup, one of the things that I did was check up on Guthrie. I had long ago decided to forgive Nathan; perhaps it was time to forgive Guthrie as well. It was of course never the same between us. The last time I saw him I was on my way back from Australia, and I was visiting Melly in Houston. I showed him my demo, and he took me to the airport. We swapped e-mails for a while, but I eventually came to realize that he had never been one to communicate well over long distances, or at all for that matter. The only reason we were friends at all was because we happened to go to the same schools from first grade till college graduation.
Guthrie was never the friend that I had wanted him to be. The fact that it took me so long to realize that he never would be (and shouldn't have to be) is a limitation on my part, not his. The fact that I realize it now and decided to give up the bitterness indicates a small amount of growth on my part. I am certain that the realization was a factor in the process which allowed me to turn my life around; the process which has given me, for the first time ever, a goal. I had almost forgotten about Guthrie all together.
 |
| Guthrie and Amy |
|---|
Today I heard that he is getting married to his long term girlfriend Amy. Could it be that I am a wee bit jealous still? Maybe. I won't let it consume me, but I do feel a bit angry, not because he's done anything to me, but because that is the way that thinking about Guthrie makes me feel. It will pass. On the back of my new iPod my new philosophy is stated: "I never look back; it distracts from the now." I'm still working on the implementation, but I am making progress.
