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I often feel out of place. Sometimes it goes away and sometimes it sticks around. Nobody likes not understanding the rules of a given social situation, and everyone has different ways of dealing with that. For me it's bad enough that I tend to avoid new situations and stick with what I know. For example, I tend to eat at the same restaurants, rather than risk not knowing what to order, or if this place takes credit card, or a thousand other things that I am entirely capable of dealing with. I don't think I have ever revealed that piece of information to anyone before! I am usually pretty good at hiding just how not okay I am with being in new situations. I think if someone found out that would be even worse for me, than being in a new situation. It seems pretty silly when I write it out like that, but there it is.

It's entirely different when I'm with people I am comfortable with. Friends are like a force multiplier with me. They turn me into someone different, they make me more confident and powerful! I feel totally different. The truth is that I have all of that inside of me, and sometimes if I work really hard I can even express those amazing powers when I am on my own, but it is hard to do.

( I get ramblely... )

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• 25 February 2009 08:25pm: Lost contact with my network back in Wyoming... again. I hate you Big Pond. You can bite me.
• Today at 04:10pm: Swim in the ocean, and I am as good as new.
• Today at 05:40pm: First time at chatswood station when they are using all four platforms. Some of us thought we'd never live to see the day.
• Today at 05:43pm: I've seen old photos of this station when it was nice. Now it is all concrete and no character.

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